dev.babiegoose.com

were in a race...

who won?

... ... ...

I feel like I am in a race now... trying get all of these things done before time runs out...

but the thing is... I don't know when time is going to run out...

all the stuff around the house... eliminating the odor of burn from the second floor... the f*@%!#@ pool... I really hate taking care of that thing...

Plus, I still want to impart the ordeals from the week presented to me by the ever present present-presentor - Hell...o operator, please give me number 9...

ahem...

and I also would like to get this site updated and moved (not necessarily in that order) to the new host... (but my dearest lorie is opposed to anything that can be labeled as change - she fears change... :-P)

I guess I should backup the current state of the site, hunh?

...

Fortunately, today, I was at least able to begin the immense task to blog de-briefing...

seriously people... if you didn't write such cool stuff, I wouldn't have this problem... and then to add to that, given the sheer amount of stuff written, I probably will not be able to catch up...

"Give up then"

Never!

as he laughs his maniacal laugh...

as a note, I will be de-emphasizing many of the things that are emphasized on this page... to bring more focus (and room) so you can understand the words that are coming outta my mouth...

"Man, no one understands the words comin' outta your mouth..."

I am going to make a concerted effort to go out and play with my friends. People are starting to say that I don't get out enough, that I don't make nice with the neighbors...

well they're right... I don't... I think it has to do with me working too much, or too late... because it can probably be argued that I don't arrive as early as I could to make the best use of my day... of course, I can't seem to get moving prior to 6:30am unless I haven't slept, or if people are counting on me...

and even the latter is debatable...

...

I stepped away from my desk... now I don't know what I was going to write...

um... so I'm going to stop.

... ... ...

The Lettuce won... because he was always ahead -
The Tomato came in second, but he was always playing catch-up -
and the Faucet... well... he's still running...

... ... ...

keep running man...

finish the game.

Posted by ryan at 03:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

damn the man...

I'm sneaking away... for a few minutes at least...

except for... it's only in my mind...

I miss reading everyone's blogs... I still can't get that much away from work to read it, but [blaow] here's something to tide you over until I can start dropping mad comments everywhere... and believe you me... I'm expanding my comment dropping range...

like a radar does for... umm... things that use radar...

(why is it "believe you me"? is it "believe, you, me"? or am I just dumb and no one says that?)

I'm gonna be switching up web hosts soon... just so you know... so you can update your links when the time comes ... if you so choose to keep this site linked... (this blog will be moved to a subdomain of babiegoose which will eventually be called http://blog.babiegoose.com) but I will tell you when so don't go jumping the gun and prematurely evacuate...

it looks like I'm gonna hafta clean up my links too... some people who's last entries are antediluvian, have, as of late, stopped being quiescent...

alas, alack... I do not have the available resources to allow myself the time to read all of the different thoughts of all the different people and leave my apothegms...

and I am debating resurrecting my turntables... but I fear the recidivism of wasting time and lack of aerobic activity...

[so much to do... so little time...]

I gotta get back into a good groove, but I can't without a dope beat to step to....

Posted by ryan at 04:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

and so endth an completely and utterly shitty - no, wait... shitty is completely an understatment...

cover your eyes if obscenities upset you...

the last week was a completely fucked up week...

but in hindsight - I guess it wasn't that bad...

if you exclude the tremendous stress at work for a project that is 5 months overdue - and I'm one of the guys brought in to bang out all of these deliverables...

and if you exclude the fact that I had the added stress to gather enough sound equipment for a "joint venture" eric and i have for renting said equipment to our companies...

and if you exclude the fact that I was a party to two different video projects whose deadlines were that week (one of which as since been moved)....

and if you exclude the fact that the circuitry in my house was jacked up enough to set my bed, my favorite comforter, my favorite pillow, some of my favorite clothes, some CD's, and my dresser a blaze.

yes. my shit was on fire.

it also melted some of the bubble packaging for some of my anime figure collection and some anime banners (again, I am a dork)
and my carpet...
and ruined the paint in my room...
and covered with soot all of the stuffed animals lorie as given me as presents...
and left a nice "campfire" aroma lingering...

so - I have been sent to sofa exile until the smell from my room has dissapated enough for me to sleep on the floor - since I no longer have a bed...

then - there is all of the damage my body has sustained in said week...
blisters on my feet from putting out the fire...
lack of sleep...
twisting my ankle on the soccer field...

and then to top it all off -

I couldn't get online at home for the whole week - thus explaining my blogging absence...

...

but hey! I'm blessed...

None of my family was hurt (except for my burn blisters)
my house didn't burn down...
I didn't lose anything that couldn't be replaced...
I am not dying from smoke inhalation...
I met firefighters and saw a fire truck up close and personal...
I got mad props from my company...
I eric and I have all these new sound things with which to play...

and the week is over (and - at the same time - just beginning).

I will fill in the details of the inferno in a backdated entry - I started said entry at work when I thought I'd have time to finish it... but alas - I did not... so it is currently sitting in limbo...

so... I have returned... if only slightly... to the internet. I am still quite pegged at the office (where I was previously able to find large enough sections of time to surf...) and I will be unable to visit the many web sites I used to frequent frequently...

...

oh.

I love endorphines.

they make my ankle stop hurting when I actually use it.

...

I must go.

Posted by ryan at 09:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

throughout life we deem certain things important, from our earliest childhood choices, to the supposedly life altering decisions we make ourselves believe are pivotal...

our toys, tv shows, movies, collections, friends, significant others, social status, accolades, family, faith, etc. etc.

We place them above other things - we choose.

also, this journey through life leads us to revelations - that what we once thought was important, we realize, has no bearing, whatsoever, on what we have found to be important (actually or temporarily)

depending on your faith system - nothing is really important, or one or two things are really important, or everything is important

if we hold everything to be important, burning out is an inevitable - as there is no perspective - all choices will be difficult (and I truly doubt anyone really holds everything to be important anyways). if we hold nothing to be important than life becomes meaningless - if nothing we do is important, than why bother doing anything at all, so why even live...

I think most people fall well in between those two extremes...

now, people have to choose what to hold in their hearts... what is important?

career, family, love, material possesion, faith, social status, wealth, survival against all odds, etc...

I would like to think there is a right choice. That we could all decide on a single or a handful of these choices and everything should work out in the end. (Actually - I think I do believe there is a right choice...)

but, then, this is not a perfect world - and our upbringing will start us on a path towards a choice, whether we like it or not...

now, if we do not like the path on which we are traveling, there is always the choice of leaving the current path for a new one...

sometimes, one might realize this too late, and not have the strength to enter the new stream. Or some might be in the right place, and not realize it, and go to a different - but incorrect - stream and not have the knowledge, or humility, to re enter the stream that had been abandoned...

some people might build lives on foundations that were merely illusions, only to have those illusions fail later in life, thus crumbling that which has been built...

"I have wasted my life. I have spent all this time following what I thought to be the way - only to find that I have been deceived."

This is a tremendous blow to the ego, the psyche, the self, the mind... how do you recover?

if pride is holding you back - think about how proud you can feel by rebuilding your life...
if it is strength that you lack - do not be afraid of the help others can provide...
if it is knowledge you are missing - follow the footsteps of one who has accomplished - although your path will not be the same, insight can be taken from the experience of others.

there have been many things about which I obsessed...

I am coming to terms, now, with the fact that they actually do not mean a whole lot in the end.

but for some reason, I am having trouble letting them go...

...

on the other hand.

I feel as if there is a guiding hand in my life. the spark. the inspiration that drives me towards an end that I cannot see nor imagine.

well, maybe imagine - but as my imagination is quite vast, that does not pinpoint anything.

so.

what do I do now?

...

I know that I should replace those things that do not matter with

love.

sharing.

family.

faith.

comaraderie.

...

what am I using now?

knowledge.

experience.

imagination.

hope.

...

what is stopping me?

fear.

pride.

apathy.

prejudice.

complacency.

...

I have come to the junction.

I have collected an obscene amount of baggage.

...

What do I keep?

What do I throw away?

...

Posted by ryan at 06:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

did you fall for a shooting star...

... ... ...

I will be gone for really real this weekend. I'll be on an island away from an internet connection that I will not be able to access...

... ... ...

...will you miss me while you're looking for youself out there...

Posted by ryan at 03:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

today was a day like a haze...
I felt as if trapped in a maze...
I had lots of work, of which I did shirk...
which left my poor mind in a craze...

... ... ...

there once was a man from nan-....

:-P

... ... ...

I should have finished my work today...

I didn't...

I feel... so... incomplete...

I do not like this feeling. Which is why I get obsessive compulsive sometimes...

arrrgghhh...

I don't like leaving myself exposed to attack. As much as I know I'm vunerable, I do not like feeling vunerable.

yes ny, delude yourself a bit longer... and perhaps you might convince yourself into feeling not vunerable.

If you saw what I saw, then you've seen what I've seen...
If you know what I know, then you know what I mean.

...basically...

I've left business unfinshed...

and myself wide open...

and confused...

Posted by ryan at 09:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I need to cleanse my mind...

when I get bogged down, my mind drifts and conjures up really bad things...

Perhaps, because I don't give my head enough time to breathe, I start to get a good amount of muck deposited in my head...

Normally a good relaxing weekend would clear that out, but I don't think I've had one in a while...

if you happen to find one, please let me know.

anyhow, it would be safe to say that I like to be optimistic about everything - happy thoughts, appreciating love and life - the people and world around me...

But, there is the yang to my yin... the parts that I usually just throw out, and forget about... the things that I usually don't let get to me... if you caught a glimpse of my dark side, you would probably not like me...

at all...

and I think I'm getting white hairs because of it...

it feels like the devil whispering all this shit into my head - messed up stuff that no normal people think about - or, at least, don't admit to thinking about...

don't you get scared about some of the stuff that goes through your head? I have to shake it out - physically - when crap like that pops in. As unconciously as it gets there, I have to conciously fight to remove it... then I hear the weak part of me saying "fuck it... too much work... give in and submit to it..."

then, the part that is optimistic, the part that puts all love and hope in God, the part that thinks it can make up a 30 minute drive in 15 minutes - kicks myself in the head and says "what the heck are you thinking?" and then shakes my head for me to clean it out...

why do you think that stuff, ny?
how does it get there?

live.

free will is a bitch... because you have to choose... how nice is it when you use it the way you're supposed to? living the way you are supposed to?

it is way nice...

you almost feel like you washed all of it away...

wish it were that easy... but it's not... if you think it, you've already done it in your heart, right? So how do you stop stuff like that from popping into you mind? Seriously... it's not like I sit there are think of stuff to scare me - maybe it's the media...

suck it up. admitting there's a problem is the first step to a solution...

the problem is -

I'm a sinner...

and I need to go to confession, for there is stuff that I can't wash away myself...

then I won't feel so...

selfish...

so...

evil.

Posted by ryan at 08:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have been thinking for several hours a few minutes about how amazing it is that you actually learn something everyday...

today... just recently, probably within the past couple few weeks or so, I discovered the strike out tags:

the "s" and "/s"

I had no idea they existed, until I started seeing them scattered throughout several web pages...

At first I didn't take notice, until I realized that I had no idea how it was being done... so I took a peek into the source code and stole gleaned the knowledge that I had previously been lacking...

Then, it struck me like a bolt of lightning, that my train of thought could be better conveyed if that which has been previously deleted could be made know...

You, my dear readers, would know what tiny little things would be going through my head, or what I would like you to think is going through my head.

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve"

hee hee hee...

see... things are going through my that I never really put down, because before, I didn't know that I could cross them out, so if I left it, it would have previously required me to tell you to ignore it... which is silly... because everyone knows if you say ignore something, for some reason or another, people remember that most...

so, when I have thoughts typed out that needed to be ignored, I can strike them out and you can ignore it with out me telling you to ignore it, because it has been crossed out...

'cos inside out, is wiggida-wiggida-wiggida-whack

so now you can read, unhindered by my cautionary captioning of crazy cognition...

"...so you won't be lonely..."

Posted by ryan at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Because I'm not psychic... although that would be cool...

I can draw from my experience and extrapolate a possible outcome, but that is just calculated guessing. I'm pretty good at it, but it is quite taxing.

You see, all I can do is read what my five - count'em - sight, sound, smell, touch, taste - senses can tell me. Then there is this things called a "brain" that takes those "senses" and turns it into information. With that information, I delve into the stores of said "brain" and make connections to other parts (called "processing") and this "processing", in turn, develops a "response". And the response is usually communicated in a verbal or physical matter.

for example - you are running up to me. I can see that you are running, that you are sweating, that you have a pained/worried look on your face, that you are holding a car stereo in your hand, that the car stereo is not in a box and that its wires tied neatly with a twisty-tie, that you are breathing heavily and fast, and that there are other people running from the direction in which you came. I can smell that you do have not showered or washed clothes in a while, and I can smell something that I usually associate with fear - but I'm never sure about that because its not a smell-smell, if you know what I mean... I can hear the shouts of the people running behind you and I can hear your labored heaves between the slamming of your shoes on the pavement.

from this - I deduced that you are running a marathon and you found a stereo on the ground and are planning on returning it at the end of the race. the people behind you are obviously running with you and are exicted for you.

See. I'm good.

Now, some people believe in extra-sensory perception - they think they can go beyond the five senses and perceive that which is not preceptible by seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, or smelling.

They're crazy. But that's just my opinion, which is based on the limited knowledge contained within my brain, compiled over the years with countless (although I'm sure you could count them if you tried) sources and tidbits of information.

So. Are you crazy psychic ? Can you read my mind?

No?

So, in your infinite fairness (and who said life was fair?), how can you possibly expect me to read yours?

So, if you are lying to me - if I cannot tell that you are lying to me (or if I don't care) I will not know that you are lying.

Therefore, if you lie to me, and expect me to understand that you are lying - doesn't it make more sense to just say what you mean - there is less chance for misinterpretation versus expecting me to understand the meaning of what you say...

Therefore - if you say everything is all right... I must be inclined to believe that it is.

If you say nothing is wrong. Then why would I think otherwise.

If you want to engage me in conversation - tell me about what you would like to talk and I will happily oblige.

If you have a problem - tell me what it is, and what you cannot do and I will try my very best to assist.

My name is not Charles Xavier...

Oh, and just because I know you are lying, doesn't necessarily mean that I will acknowledge your lie.

Me knowing and you not knowing that I know gives me a little leverage over you, you lying bastard.

:-P

Posted by ryan at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I, like most beginners in the game of soccer (or football for those not in the U.S.), keep my eye on the ball when I am dribbling downfield.

I was told that with experience comes the joy of being able to look around the field for open space/team mates to which/whom I can pass the ball.

Instead, I am intently focused on the task at hand (getting the ball down field and avoiding anyone not wearing the same colored jersey who happens into my periphery) and miss opportunities like a pass to a person making a good run up the line, or a drop to the support behind me...

This, I think, is how I would anologize my life at the moment...

crazy overtime at work to get deliverables done, things needing to be done at home, projects outside of work, and other projects related to work but not related to my projects at work, and QT with my babiehead - then add on the pressures of a wedding and a house...

this, however has left out my family, friends, my laundry, and, at times, my sanity...

there are moments like this, I'm pretty sure, in everyone's life...

where you feel like the world is coming down on you...

I am trying to pick things off piece by piece... luckily there are so many things that I'm too busy to actually freak out about it... but there are moments of remorse, when I am forced to ignore those around me...

sorry...

I don't mean to leave you in a lurch...

but I got shit to do...

but dial my cell in case of an emergency...

for I will not know you are there unless I hear you shouting for me...

I am continually trying to pick my head up before I start running...

this gives me a glimpse of the possible ways for me to handle the ball (however well I can actually handle the ball)

I am trying to pick my head up right now...

just so you know.

perhaps I will spot you open...

then, it just depends on if I can get the ball to you - most of the guys defending me are taller and usually with more experience...

(but I still got love for you... and a prayer...)

.
.
.

... if the cleats fit...

Posted by ryan at 03:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

road trip...

4 hour drive...

tried to sleep in the back of van...

motion sickness...

not good...

Posted by ryan at 11:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm sneaking away from the people around me...

but I got permission from lorie to get away...

I promised that I wouldn't blog on our honeymoon (next year) unless it was about the different things we were doing... hee hee hee... just kidding...

in other news... I got soccer slides... they're pretty neat... and I got lorie some shoes... so she's saited...

the mutts are shedding all over me... and I'm feeling rushed...

gotta bounce...

hee hee hee...

Posted by ryan at 02:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

like my memory...

my blog might suffer a lapse... of entry entering this weekend... for I do not know if I will be able to connect whilst I am away...

oohhh... the same thing will happen next weekend...

because I'll be camping...

...

crazy...

maybe it'll cure me of my addiction to writing and reading blogs...

...

or not...

...

Posted by ryan at 11:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

there are moments when I get very childish - basically when my mind reverts to that of a 4 or 5 year old...

and pretty much what I want to do at that time is done and what I say is what is said...

it requires a lot of restraint to keep these actions at bay...

too much of something is usually the culprit...

too much sugar...
too much alcohol...
too much energy...
too much caffeine...

right now... it is day-quil... or the generic version thereof...

and during these bouts of childishness, I revert my thought back to the love of my life...

and how pretty she is...
and how much I love her...
and how cute she it...
and how much I love her...

that makes me happy...

and I smile like a fool...
and I coo like a baby...

and I snap to my senses, because I am at work...

... ... ...

I feel buzzed right now...
my head feels warm and light (perhaps something to do with Charles' Law or Gay-Lassac's law)...

... ... ...

I really think I should have stayed home today.... again...

there, I can smile and coo without consequence...

(she sends my soul sky high...)

Posted by ryan at 11:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

is there a sign on my head that says "Exclude Me Please?"

seriously... there was a point in time, I guess right after college when I was adjusting to my new job and getting used to living at home, and I didn't have the opportunity to hang out with my friends because, frankly, I couldn't go out during the week...

I was relagated to weekly poker games or random trips to the club on the weekends...

usually, I was too tired, or it was too late, or there was QT with family or lorie...

so, as time went on, the requests for my presence gradually diminished... to the point of non-existence...

I was no longer in the loop... no longer part of the group (which, by the way, was linked because of me...

so the only times I ever got to hang out with them was upon my request. When I had time, when it was convienient for me...

that is nice and all, but I really am not that selfish that I would only want to hang out with my friends when I want to... timing sucked, and I over time I started getting used to my schedule and it was easier for me to handle going out later, and during the work week (although not often)...

but alas, when I was able, my friends slowly moved away...

and now... apparently the same thing is happening...

just because you know that I will not be around, or because you know I have other plans, I would still think it common courtesy to call me to let me know...

that is, of course, assuming you consider me a friend...

I would like to think that when I am planning a group activity, in a particular area, I call as many of my friends as I can...

of course... lately... it seems that I may not have as many friends as I once thought...

I will not post this entry until much later... so that it will be somewhat hidden from view... as I do not wish to share it at the time of it's creation...

but please...

don't leave me hanging like on like a yo-yo...

Posted by ryan at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I think the restaurants where I ate today had an over-abundance of asparagus...

not that I don't like asparagus, mind you, it's just that I never had asparagus in my soup, in my salad, and in my main course all in the same meal... before tonight...

but even that would not have been so weird were it not for the amount of asparagus that was present...

no one eats 15 stalks of, rather thick, asparagus and still eats the soup, the salad, and the rack of lamb...

well... no one I know...

... ... ...

for you people who are currently under the weather (I mean sick - from where does that whole under the weather thing come? strange saying if I must say... and so I have!) Vernor's is quite helpful in rehydrating while at the same time limiting the amount of viscous substance created within the nasal cavity...

er... gross imagery, if you choose to think about it... I suggest not...

... ... ...

anyhow...

there were a lot of spears...

I ate a good portion of them... with the lamb (as in I ate the lamb as well, not as in the lamb shared a meal with me)

but I didn't drink any of the asparaguses... err... asparagi... uhh... asparageese...

whatever... it didn't come in my wine...

not a drop...

Posted by ryan at 10:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

there is something about sitting in front of the tv while you are working...

I don't know, a little more... relaxing.

Plus there is no commute, no dealing with traffic...

but then there's that trade off... you see... I had to be sick to get that luxury.

I dutifully called into a meeting I had scheduled today, and I was compared to the synthesizer a la Ferris Bueller...

"but at least I did my job" Ryan said, indignantly...

whatever...

I took some night-time medicine last night - some generic double dose contained in these monster green pills...

hee hee... they made my head numb... I slept well...

just thought I'd share...

I will take them again tonight...

I like sleeping well... (but only because I'm sick... not because I like taking those monster green pills...)

Posted by ryan at 09:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have been sitting here (at work) working, while at the same time leaving my new entry page for this blog open...

I have started two blogs (aside from this one) that are sitting as drafts in the limbo of this site...

I have not been able to complete any profound thoughts... or at least, I have not had the opportunity to capture them.

There have been several times, whilst I would be traversing the great expanse, known as the "Freeway", where something remarkable would strike a chord in my inspiration, and I'd get all excited, and then want to share it with the world, but then I would forget to go to a computer and type it all out, and then soon, it would leave my mind altogether...

it's like a song you hear on the radio, and you know the words while you are singing along with it, but later, you forget the melody and meter...

recognition is stronger than recall I guess...

in any case, I decided to just start typing, just to see if anything neat would come of it...

I can safely say that up to now, nothing has. I do not move with purpose... I move by feeling... well, unless I have a purpose - then I will move for that purpose.

but if you want me to move on purpose, then just ask me.

wow, I think I might leave this one in draft form... so if you might never get a chance to read this. Of course, if you are currently reading this, then you will know that I did not leave this in limbo...

in any case, whether you are reading this or not, it doesn't matter... I am just organizing my thoughts, which is to what most of my entries amount. This is unless they are targeted to a specific audience, which would mean that it would be written specifically for that intention.

Whatever. I am getting sick. I need food. I am contemplating getting sushi, just so I can have pickled ginger - common sense would tell me that I should just buy pickled ginger if that is what I so desire. My head tells me that I should probably eat more than just pickled ginger... my stomach is telling me to get something right now... and my bladder is telling me that I drank too much green tea...

you know...

that was probably too much information...

so pretend (you know, like in kindergarten) that you didn't read that.

Ocean's 11 is currently playing in my earphones... (I can't watch the movie at work, because that would look, you know, not good)

hopefully something with more depth will hit me at an opportune time, so that I might share it...

I was just thinking though... perhaps the reason I was not able to share those epiphanies with you, was because they were just meant for me...

or maybe I just need to develop a better memory...

or maybe I just need to develop a better memory!

Posted by ryan at 01:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sometimes I get mixed up...Who am I, and whom do I aspire to be?Am I on that path?Have I made the the right choices in life?Do people like me?Do I leave a good impression?Do I do too little?Am I a good person?Are my thoughts really mine?Did I screw up at home/school/work?Do my friends really like me?Do people patronize me?Am I a scary person?Are people out to get me?Am I smart?
Am I good enough?Am I able?Do I have time?Do I have the means?Will I be a good husband?Will I be a good father?Will I be able to take care of my family?Am I not patient?Am I not kind?Have I lost site of my life?Have I lost site of my love?Have I lost site of God?

The answer - in no particular order.

Yes.

No.

Always.

Sometimes.

Never.

... ... ...

We all worry about something...

what is it and how do you handle it?

... ... ...

God... babiegoose... family... friends... chocolate... ice cream... music... dancing... singing... talking... reading... drawing... blogs... sports... zoning... sleeping...

... ... ...

faith, love, and hope...

... ... ...

time...

... ... ...

Posted by ryan at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

simply look around and view it.
Anything you want to, do it.
You can change the world;
there's nothing to it...

the world is as you perceive it.

lately, I have been noticing a lot of hopelessness and lack of faith in people.

and it's rather depressing... I'm not gonna let it bother me much, but it has moved me enough to mention it in a blog, so here it is...

People, there are drugs for this kind of thing. Also, I heard smoking and alcoholism is a good get away... Also, get really mad about whatever it is you can - I mean really mad - and then dwell on it... then, try yelling at people, because that always works for solving problems... and if it doesn't, then start roughing people up, because you know - violence - that solves everything...

[and if you really can't tell - sucks to be you - I was being tremendously sarcastic]

seriously people, if you could just take a look, and put everything into perspective, the little things that we let piss us off, are just little distractions to the deeper issues that we have... whatever issues we may have...

dig deeper into you mind, your heart, and you soul... it might take a little work, but I know you can get there. It is there you will find a light, be it a little flicker...

that light is the one thing onto which you need to hold...

it is the essense of your being... although you may not know what exactly it is, it is what you are and it is yours and only yours...

and no one... no one can take that away from you...

you cannot give it away...

you cannot lose it...

you might forget about it...

but it is always there.

my suggestion to you is to find it. I cannot tell you what it is, because mine is different than yours...

and when you find it, and realized it... it is guaranteed to make this world a better place...

until then... cheer up...

because being mad about it won't do any thing for anyone... so stop getting pissed at me (I mean the collective me, not me personally)

(I mean, really... does it make you feel better? yeah, and you are the one doing it - imagine how you are making us feel...)

of course... I fall into the trap of anger...

er...

quite often...

I'm not very disciplined... (but at least I try to work through it)

it will not consume me...

for I'm am not its fuel...

Posted by ryan at 09:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

...does Alias rock?

Is it the phenomenal plot with all its twists and turns?

Is it the multitude of personas or abilities of Sydney?

Is it the gadgets?

every Sunday I am enthralled...

and now that Angel is on Wednesdays I can watch both without compromising my preferences...

(I dedicatedly watch exactly three primetime TV series... Alias, Angel, and Smallville... and whenever I can three Saturday Morning cartoons... X-Men: Evolution, Jackie Chan, and Yu-Gi-Oh... I download everything else I miss...)

I whole-heartedly embrace my dorkiness...

why?

because.

Posted by ryan at 10:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

with a little soreness in the back of the throat...

then the stuffiness and coughing...

I don't have any vitamin c or e or echinacea..

I should not have played outside so long...

I should not have gone into the pool right after I ate...

I should not have set the bottom of my bed on fire...

oh...

that has nothing to do with anything...

I must wade in my shallowness for a bit...

because I'm too tired to think about anything deeper...

Posted by ryan at 10:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

to thoroughly clean pool filter cartridges, highly pressurized water must be passed through the filters to remove and dirt and debris contained therein.

also, the gunite could use some scrubbing.

so, I have enlisted the assitance of a power washer of the craftsman variety...

attach a water supply, give some gas, and let'er rip!

I can etch concrete with this baby...

well... almost... this one isn't quite that strong, but it really hurts when you try washing your hands in it (that means I'm telling you to not do that...

your hands will bleed...

the draw back is that it's like 45 degrees F (that's 7 degrees C for you weirdo's on the metric system )

so I have to be nice a bundled while I commence the winterization of our pool...

(This sort of thing usually happens in September, but with my sister getting married and what not, it had to wait...)

So, I will take this burden with loads of Vitamin C and E and echinacea to preempt any cold or flu... of course, I am probably too late...

I must go...

it's gettin' kinda hectic...

Posted by ryan at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I have been busy all day draining the swimming pool...

it needs massive cleaning...

... ... ...

props to philippe for being such a good sport...

[insert evil laugh here]

muwahahahahahaa!!!

... ... ...

Posted by ryan at 01:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

in the hopes of not sounding like a lush... (which I think I am dangerously past)

I will recount a very special night from the past year... The month of May, as it was, held a very significant event (and Jomy and Michelle got married then too)...

All-night-all-you-can-karaoke-all-you-can-drink Night...

as you can imagine, it was quite fun, what - being thoroughly inebriated and singing in a private room to the tippy top of your voice and well out of your range while pointy finger dancing...

the aftermath, however, was not quite so much fun...

in fact, the next morning was completely devoid of fun...

Because, on the previous night, I did not want my friends to waste their $35 (or was it $25) cover for the all-you-can-sing/drink karaoke romp, I dutifully downed every last shot that did not have an immediate owner...

the next morning, my head was reminding my how stupid my generosity was by continually pounding at strategic spots around my skull...

we had to check out of the hotel that day (I think) but whatever we were doing, it required a ride a usually smooth Dodge Caravan, but for some reason that morning it felt more like a rickety raft on a tossing ocean....

I was not feeling well, so my loving fiancee decided to let me use her lap as a pillow...

how nice...

so I slept soundly for about 45 minutes...

then, upon our arrival at our destination, she needed to get up (I was still incapacitated, so I remained in the van), but upon inspection of her leg, there was a nicely sized puddle of drool seeping into her pants...

yeech...

but as I was too messed up to care... I passed out.

... ... ...

yep.

so I was reminded of this last night, as lorie was driving home in her leaking truck when I fell asleep on her shoulder...

I did not however, drool...

.
.
.

on her...

(I can't be to sure I didn't drool at all, however - but seeing nothing was wet with spit - I must have imagined that I did...)

... ... ...

she should be used to it...

guys drool over her all the time... ;-)

Posted by ryan at 06:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

you know you've been at work too long when you dial the Direct Operations Center thinking you've just dialed your home phone number...

DO: "Hi this is Direct Ops..."

[click]

... of course, I got to the last digit of the phone number before actually stopped myself, chuckled, and dialed the correct number...

I didn't go insofar as to actually talk to Ops...

that's just silly...

... ... ...

lorie is sick :-(

her car is leaking coolant...

and I didn't want her to drive her car, because her current sites are in the not-so-nice-parts of Detroit, and, if enough coolant leaked out, she could be stuck because the engine would be jacked...

so I mentioned it to her dad so he could take care of it (he can fix stuff)...

so she didn't have a car today...

so she wasn't happy with me...

hence my agonizing guilt until I was too tired to stay awake to feel guilty because I don't like it when she's not happy with me...

... ... ...

the whole drooling on her leg thing... that's a whole other story...

Posted by ryan at 05:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

sorry goose...

I didn't want your car to break down in the middle of the ghetto...

I'm sorry you're sick and I'm not magically able to heal you...

... ... ...

I'm also sorry for drooling on your leg when I passed out in the car...

... ... ...

I suck...

Posted by ryan at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

why is it that when I am content to let my comic book subscription run out (because my favorite character went on hiatus) they bring him back, however weakly, into the fold...

I am thoroughly convinced there are psychic editors out there, with the help of Cerebra, who can feel the ebbing of subscribers and read their exact thoughts so as to pre-empt the massive exodus of readers.

Gambit has been pulled back into xtreme x-men...

Marvel has exactly one issue in which to persuade me to change my mind about re-subscribing...

I have about 100 comics without boards, bags, and boxes strewn all over my room (which is currently pretending to be a walk in closet with a bed... it's been method acting for about 2 years now) and I'm pretty much at my threshold as far as space is concerned...

but as cool as he is, I am about done shelling out almost a hundred bucks a year for these bound pieces of colorful artwork with words...

in any case, I will be reprising my role as Gambit this Halloween, although I must modify the (rather feminine) pink and light blue of his old costume to the much cooler and thievery conducive black, with the traditional brown overcoat, of course...

the question was once asked... "Why Gambit?"

because I identify with him for several reasons, actually...

...a constant outsider, his feelings and true thoughts are his, what people see is only a glimpse of the reality (but it is really him they see)

...a thief, skillful and cunning, intelligent and agile, creative and quick - traits I admire... (plus that whole bout of kleptomania in high school - which has since ceased btw)

...a charmer, a people person, a communicator, yet sly and mysterious - traits I would like...

...honorable, yet placed in situations where he is put to the test, where he must compromise...

...natural athlete...

...paternal issues...

...billowy coat...

...exploding cards...

...retractable bo...

...did I mention thief?...

... ... ...

why am I not sleeping?

reel me in...

I'm done...

Posted by ryan at 01:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

...my rolled turtle neck wool sweater is scratching at my neck...

...hmpf...

I guess it's mad at me for not paying attention to it all spring and summer...

I suppose I'd be upset if I was ignored for five months...

...

meanwhile, my sister is learning how to surf in Hawaii...

(but I do favor Fall over Summer and Spring... but Winter is also a fav... but that depends on my mood...)

Posted by ryan at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)