you are supposed to get eight hours of sleep a night, usually...
but sometimes, that is just not an option.
I think your brain (and my brain) works better on adequate sleep. You can function, to a degree, with some sleep, but you have to get just enough to not get to the point where you need to go all the way...
do you know what I mean?
ok. well, I know what I mean, so just because you do not know what I mean does not mean that it is meaningless...
anyhow, what was my point?
oh. there was none.
and does anyone know the words to Brahms' Lullaby (you know, the "lullaby, and goodnight" song) without looking it up on the net?
I think, if you are like most people, that you can get the first three words (which I have already given you) and you are then relegated to humming the rest...
... ... ...
Lullaby and Goodnight - Brahms' Lullaby
by: Johannes Brahms
Lullaby, and good night,
With pink roses bedight,
With lilies o'erspread,
Is my baby's sweet head.
Lay you down now, and rest,
May your slumber be blessed!
Lay you down now, and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed!
Lullaby, and good night,
You're your mother's delight,
Shining angels beside
My darling abide.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Soft and warm is your bed,
Close your eyes and rest your head.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes.
Mother's right here beside you.
I'll protect you from harm,
You will wake in my arms.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep on, with no fear.
Lullaby, and sleep tight.
Hush! My darling is sleeping,
On his sheets white as cream,
With his head full of dreams.
When the sky's bright with dawn,
He will wake in the morning.
When noontide warms the world,
He will frolic in the sun.
Lullaby and good night,
With roses bedight;
With lilies o'er spread,
Is baby's wee bed.
Lay thee down now and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed;
Lay thee down now and rest,
May thy slumber be blessed.
Lullaby and good night,
Thy mother's delight;
Bright angels beside
My darling abide.
They will guard thee at rest;
Thou shalt wake on my breast.
They will guard thee at rest;
Thou shalt wake on my breast.
(Original German)
Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
Mit Rosen bedacht;
Mit Naeglein besteckt,
Schlupf unter die Deck.
Morgen frueh, wenn Gott will,
Wirst du wieder geweckt.
Morgen frueh, wenn Gott will,
Wirst du wieder geweckt.
Guten Abend, gute Nacht,
Von Englein bewacht;
Die zeigen im Traum
Dir Christkindleins Baum.
Schlaf nun selig und suess;
Schau im Traum's Paradies.
Schlaf nun selig und suess;
Schau im Traum's Paradies.
(Original German Translated)
Good evening, good night,
Bedecked with roses,
Covered with carnations,
Slip under the blanket
Early tomorrow, God willing,
Will you be woken again.
Good evening, good night,
Guarded by angels,
Who indicate to you by dream
The tree of the Christ child:
Sleep now blissfully and sweetly,
Behold Paradise in your dreams.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: how deep...
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DATE: 03/12/2004 04:36:13 PM
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like an onion...
you know, with layers...
how many times do we look at something, and only see the outside of it... when we look at people we do not know (hopefully only people we do not know) we can only see surface...
sometimes we can see what is underneath that surface by looking a little harder, prodding a little deeper...
but underneath that... there is a world that is rarely, if ever, is shown.
imagine a lake... the glassy surface over dark water... you can see your reflection in that surface... at the surface, but your reflection does not make the water, does not define the water.
so you focus, and try to see past that reflection into the water... and you see... seaweed.
but underneath the canopy of watery leave is the realm totally different from the reality at the surface... perception, motion, and life being chasms apart.
no matter what you have seen from the surface, or even what is underneath the surface, cannot prepare you for the substance underneath what is underneath.
As is the lake, so is the person...
it was, and most definitely still is, a fault of mine for me to assume that I know people. what I know is what I perceive, and I take for granted that not all perception is reality.
add a heaping of egocentrism and mix it with intelligence and personality and you have got one arrogant mass of cells functioning as a symbiotic unit...
then the moment you realize that the world does not revolve around you is the moment in which your universe all but implodes, and you are left standing in the vastness trying to figure out which direction to go.
but the world in which we live has an economic structure, and if I am not the one pulling the strings, the who is the puppeteer? we are all marionettes marching to the direction of our minstrel...
unless, we are not being manipulated, but guided. so rather than strings, there are roads and labyrinths... roads where we have the freedom to choose our path, or labyrinths where our choice has lead us to a certain end ordained by its architect.
the idea that I am not in control of the choices I make is unsettling to me. so I am for the road. the path is there, but at least I have a choice.
but what about the master manipulators? those who can make you believe that you are choosing, but really leave you with no choice... this is absurd because you always have a choice... but it is the willingness to accept the consequence of going against the mob or against propriety or against the wind... those people can anticipate your choice or rather prepare for every choice that can be made...
like chess, if you can anticipate every move, every combination, then your opponent cannot surprise you, cannot attack you. are our lives a game of chess to those than have the vantage point?
His will be done.
I cannot affect things that are out of my range of influence. I am not a great writer, filmmaker, poet, spokesperson, official, or celebrity.
Perhaps my actions do not matter to anyone that is not me, but as long as they matter to me then what I do does matter. but what I must keep in mind is that my choice is my choice and in the end there is only One to Whom I must answer...
and I must put myself into perspective.
how can you know what is underneath my underneath when I am not sure about it myself.
I am swimming in the seaweed.
who knows...
maybe we are swimming in the same patch...
for what would you sacrifce your life?
in nature sans religiosus, what would be the point of sacrifice? there is no evolutionary benefit, unless of course procreation was no longer viable...
why are we compelled to preserve life?
if you were forced to renouce your faith or die, would you die?
I would die wholeheartedly...
but could you kill for your faith? would you?
Moral acts manifest from what is intended not according to what is beside the intention...
if the intention was to preserve your life, and death was not caused by unnecessary violence of self-defense then it is permissible...
If you were told to renounce Jesus or die, would you fight to live?
What if someone else were to die if you did not renouce your faith?
The blame would not be yours, but I would imagine that the sadness would be any less...
I imagine that if the fight were futile, God would give you peace before becoming a martyr...
But imagining is all I can do...
I have never been and hope to never be in that situation...
but I would fight or I would die.
well...
that stone dropped farther than I wanted it to...
so I will let it rest here...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: and it rings...
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DATE: 03/15/2004 10:01:22 AM
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and I rise,
wipe the sleep out of my eyes...
Right now, at this moment, I am of the opinions that Mondays are far from manic. They are more depressive if anything...
But that is just me.
But interest rates dropped, so that is a good thing.
I am sleepy.
And originally Snow White's seven dwarves (although I think Tolkien said it was "dwarfs") were not given names...
I am waiting for a call.
I will not wait much longer.
After I am done waiting, I will call.
If that call is not receive, then I will have to wait again.
... ... ...
I need to shave...
the shaving razor is cold, and it stings.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: what do you say...
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DATE: 03/15/2004 11:23:45 AM
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if the the conversation or whatever is not remotely interesting.
the problem being that you cannot physically leave the situation.
or, relatively, if the conversation was full of interest, but it died and the conversation just stops.
In my experience this leads to a lot of downcast eyes and a few "Hmmmmm...."'s
that is funny to me...
but only from the outside observation, I actually feel quite uncomforatble with those silences when I am not comfortable with the people with whom I am conversing.
I usually break those silences by leaving the physical area or feigning sleep if I cannot leave.
Of couse, pretending to sleep while you are trying to "network" is rather unprofessional and, in all other ways, silly.
... ... ...
the spoon in my hot chocolate has fallen below the the surface of the hot chocolate, and is now covered with hot chocolate.
... ... ...
so in those situation where a psuedo-somnia is a non-option, I try to say something stupid and then gauge the reaction of the person who is now trying to figure out if it is a joke they do not get or if the individual with whom they are speaking is truly an idiot. They could also be estimating that I have decided that the conversation has died and I am using a childish ploy to stimulate further conversation or to scare that person away.
If I manage to scare said person, they will usually find someone else in the vicinity, freeing up my space, thus allowing me to be anti-social or, better yet, a chance for a nap.
... ... ...
this stupid pdf is taking forever (which has now been defined as 7 minutes and 53 seconds) to download.
... ... ...
I find that short naps, or "power naps", are actually quite beneficial, short-term, for reviving the body to continue for another hour or so. I was not privileged (last friday) to receive such an honor until the lovely, Lorie, was so gracious enough to bestow me with the opportunity whilst she drove me home...
in my car...
which just had the windshield replaced...
because it was cracked...
and she had my car because she did not have hers and she needed to get her wedding dress fitted...
... ... ...
I bought some alleve two weeks ago...
I think I might take one or two now...
... ... ...
"Thank you."
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: job well done...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/16/2004 10:07:12 AM
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sigh.
and I will sit and stare at it for a while...
that feeling of accomplishment. of satisfaction.
actualization of a dream. a design.
it fills the chest with pride.
and then you just stare at it.
... ... ...
well, I just stare at it.
soaking it in until I realize that I am wasting time.
but it was something you created (with His help of course)...
... ... ...
and this is not even a child.
so I cannot imagine the sheer joy that birth will bring for so many people in the coming months.
when I write a good program with good documentation, I look over it with awe for a good minute or so, admiring my own genius.
heh heh heh...
so I will probably be one of those parents who do not get sleep for the first few nights after the birth of my child (which will be years away, people) because I will stay up and gaze... in awe, admiration, filled with joy and happiness, and love...
I can imagine the love...
flowing from a bottomless well...
and I am positive that what I imagine has nothing on the real thing...
sigh.
... ... ...
and here I sit, staring... because I made I document that I liked...
how silly is that?
very, I guess...
... ... ...
when I write something which is relatively good...
or draw something of which is a rather good likeness...
or build anything which is both functional and aesthetic...
or when I figure out the in's and out's of that new toy that I just got, because it was useless thirty minutes ago, but now is the coolest thing this side of sliced bread...
and these have nothing on the gift of bringing a life into this world...
... ... ...
good job, rob and ellen... (mostly ellen, since she had to do the tough stuff...)
God smiles upon you this day...
Gob Bless you and your new son...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: you stay the course...
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DATE: 03/17/2004 10:30:20 AM
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you hold the line, keep it all together...
... ... ...
things can get messy...
well they can. given a closed system, say, the universe, entropy will move from a low state to a higher state... order to chaos... (in an open system, like a freezer, you can actually move from chaos to order because of the energy can be removed from the system, thus taking it from a higher state to a lower state... but that is for general chem and physics I)
take your every day fish sticks, for example.
nice, neat, breaded.
you place them on the baking sheet (I use a rack - to let the excess oil drain of the sticks - it makes them crunchier) in an organized manner, and for some reason or another, the run-off oil and the loose breading cause a nice mess from splatters and what not...
messy, like I said.
just like dealing with people.
you can dance around the issue, you can try to be a hands-off has possible, but as neat as you can make something, it just turns ugly.
fugly.
mofugly.
bumofugly.
... ... ...
and then [poof] like that...
it is all better...
well, at least the illusion of "all better" seems pretty realistic.
... ... ...
I am hungry.
... ... ...
we close next week...
on our house.
that lorie and I will own...
hers and my house.
our... preciousssssss... it is mineses...
craziness, drama and all...
talk about some big steps. I thought buying my car was a big deal. now the down payment for the house is almost more than the cost of my car...
I feel like the Swingout Sisters... breaking out and stuff...
... ... ...
ok... that just dated me... did it not?
... ... ...
whatever...
don't stop to ask
and now you've found a break to make at last
you've got to find a way
say what you want to say
... ... ...
breakout...
stand your ground, men
stand your ground...
getting away is never an easy thing to do...
there is always something there to...
stop you...
comfort, obligation, respect, love, money, routine...
something.
go where your heart takes you, for it is God who will be your guide...
... ... ...
youre the one true thing I know I can believe in...
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... ... ...
Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
Youve seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land
Chorus
You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
Youre the one true thing I know I can believe in
Youre all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
Youre the one true thing I know I can believe
I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do cause youre too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far youll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go
Chorus
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise Id drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me Im OK
sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
Chorus
~Push, Sarah McLachlan
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AUTHOR: hongk
EMAIL:
IP: 64.66.27.35
URL:
DATE: 03/17/2004 02:21:50 PM
house!!!!!! ay ay ay ay ay ay....double six's!!!!!! and away we go!!!!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: babiegoose
EMAIL: lorie@babiegoose.com
IP: 162.43.198.100
URL:
DATE: 03/18/2004 10:24:21 AM
woo hoo!! we're gonna be homeowners!!
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: pocky-clypse now...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/17/2004 02:21:45 PM
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I like pocky, but then again I like almost anything covered in chocolate...
almost...
but this is not about that.
... ... ...
no, this is about the impending end of the world type scenario...
fire and ice type of thing...
Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great and would suffice.
~Robert Frost
... ... ...
just because stuff like this just runs through my mind every so often...
given the potential for an all out war...
that, and too many sci-fi movies corrupting my brain...
not so much serious thought, but more imagination running amuck...
amuck, amuck, amuck...
... ... ...
if the world was plunged into an all out war a la Terminator...
where do you see yourself?
if there was a cataclysm the likes of "Lucifer's Hammer"...
how would you handle it?
if there was a plague of "28 Days Later" proportions...
what would... how do...
screw that... I would be hiding somewhere no one could find me...
and why is it that zombies never attack each other? why do they always for for the fresh meat? maybe they would go cannibal if the fresh meat ran out... but I guess they never get to that point in the movies.
... ... ...
I would guess that many people would find religion very fast, and that churches and temples would get very full...
Then there would be your military types that will try to take over, or help, or both.
Then there would be the angry/crazed mob.
... ... ...
I guess I would head west, toward the mountains, or north towards the wilderness, away from large bodies of water...
and fall out...
I would also go on a shopping spree (assuming I had the presence of mind to realize the end of the world was coming) and charge everything.
... ... ...
ok...
I am done thinking about that.
time to stop...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: bad...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/17/2004 02:31:15 PM
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I cannot not pick scabs...
they are the badges of battle that must be removed because of I-do-not-know-why...
I cannot put it into words.
... ... ...
I tried... but nothing made sense.
... ... ...
anything on my shins, knees, hands, or arms are usually the most opted areas for scab removal... quite possibly because they are in my line of sight...
there is something to that out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing...
... ... ...
I would cover myself up completely, but it is hard to shower with a full cover of clothes...
... ... ...
strange how a collection of dried blood and plateletes can be so fascinating...
... ... ...
next time I shall try aversion therapy...
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AUTHOR: annabanana
EMAIL: thecoolest@sistercool.yea
IP: 68.61.247.151
URL: http://nanaba.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/17/2004 07:24:23 PM
gross!! i LOVE picking scabs, too. we're so gross!!
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: bamf...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/18/2004 03:11:36 PM
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and with a cloud of fire and brimstone...
he is gone.
much like my friend, time... he pops in and out, sometimes staying for a long time, and then leaving right when you need him, just realizing the whole while you were taking him for granted.
you miss him now that he is gone...
... ... ..
I wonder what he does when he is not around...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: i feel the need...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/19/2004 09:20:40 AM
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... ... ...
uncongested freeways are killer.
I can take my 120 mile commute to Miland and put it into 90 minutes. Door to door...
that means I average 80 miles per hour...
of course, I get horrendous gas mileage at that point, but gas is relatively cheap here has compared to other part of the country.
the problem with driving that fast twice a week, is that anything slower than 60 seems like standing still...
and all of Midland is 35 mph or less...
fortunately, I have been burned previously in Midland with a speeding ticket... albeit 5 years ago, but it was still a ticket, and so a faithfully abide by the posted speed limits within the city limits...
which is why I am so glad my apartment is only three miles from my office.
so no traffic.
no daily 30-minute one-way commute.
but no unfettered internet access... client access to the internet blocks all instant messengers and I cannot get on friendster either...
not that I go there anymore...
but whatever... I am not sure that I will be up here all that much longer...
... ... ...
but I said that about my last project...
... ... ...
and that lasted three years...
... ... ...
I have to get back to work.
Tight deadlines require...
the need for speed.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: like dominoes...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/22/2004 03:52:35 PM
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the denoument...
where the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place...
another monumental moment...
this is but the first, or perhaps second, in the series of chapters that dot my twenties...
yeah, the second...
it is strange sense when something that was so long in planning is nigh. Both proud and humbling.
exciting and terrifying.
happy...
and sad...
As much faith as I had that I knew the Lord would take care of Lorie and me, I was still scared (just a little) because the moves we were making were so very frightening...
on many different levels.
After manuevers of that degree, the inconsequential things all but disappear, bringing a chuckle and a sigh as they are remembered for what they are truly.
how we love to focus on the drama of our lives, while many times blocking out the deepest moments...
(and when I say we, I guess I really mean me, since I cannot possibly know what you are thinking)
how often do we find ourselves voicing our complaints about the little problems in life, you know, the ones we know we can handle? we find that we are sometimes to scared to share the more pressing, the more real issues of our lives because deep down we are afraid that we just might not be able to handle it...
when our real problems comes to a head and we solve them, do we not tend to try to forget about them as quickly as possible? The most difficult times are hidden away because we do not want to remember how frightened we were. No one sits around and reminisces about the time they almost died or about how they were robbed, regardless of how it turns out. We do not, because we know, at that moment, our worst fears were coming true...
we know that if we could talk about it, then we were not truly afraid...
unless someone else brings it up, but we still do not dwell...
right?
We celebrate the victories we knew we could win because they assure us of our known abilities, because we had the confidence and had a safety net of sorts to catch us if we fall... or fail...
but the "death-defying" leaps that must be made time and again, shake us to our cores and leave us exhausted...
yes we cheer, but it is certainly not the same.
we are changed.
it was a battle, not a game.
God has helped us through and given us a new presecription with which to view the world.
and the suddenly the picture is much bigger.
and the little things fall away...
... ... ...
the more we know, the more we realize we do not know.
it should be easy to be humble.
just open your eyes and see...
... ... ...
ah, but that is the hard part...
seeing what is as opposed to how we think it is.
... ... ...
hey.
if you figure that one out.
let me know, ok?
... ... ...
then we have to figure out what to do once we know what we see is true.
but I think that will be a little easier.
... ... ...
it is easier to set things up, once we know how we want to knock them down.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: mad lib this...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/23/2004 03:10:56 PM
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[article] [adverb], [adjective ending with -gry that is not angry or hungry] [singular noun that ends with -s] [being verb] [adverb that does not end in -ly] [verb] [preposition] [objective pronoun]...
[intensive adverb] [plural noun that rhymes with orange] [conjunction] [plural noun] [non-continuous verb with plural subject-verb agreement].
[interjection], [pronoun] [present tense verb] [adverb] [conjunction] [adverb]...
[What] [a] [waste] [of] [time] [ellipses] [ellipses] [ellipses]
[Article] [Noun].
:-P
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AUTHOR: munfung
EMAIL:
IP: 68.62.93.176
URL:
DATE: 03/24/2004 11:32:13 PM
wow. they REALLY need to give you some work to do. =P
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jo anne
EMAIL: jo_anne@jadpv.com
IP: 134.181.67.88
URL: http://www.jadpv.com
DATE: 03/28/2004 01:45:39 AM
aiyayay. :) need some more time to figure this one out.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: so, yeah...
STATUS: Publish
ALLOW COMMENTS: 1
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DATE: 03/28/2004 08:42:34 PM
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last week... in a nutshell...
monday... worked, drank with co-workers because someone I did know was rolling off of a project... feeling a cold coming on...
tuesday... worked, eat and drank with co-workers under the guise of team building - rocked trivial pursuit pop culture and took all of their money at poker... cold is coming on stronger...
wednesday... worked, put paperwork together and made sure my money was still in the bank where I left it because it was about to get drained... throat is sore and coughing like I only have one lung..
thursday... day off... lorie missed her flight, final walk-through in the house that was about to become ours, closing on the house... keys in hand...
the house is ours...
friday... sick as a dog. slept until 4:00 - met with the priest at 5:30 with lorie to talk about wedding... took some comtrex... ate... bought the rundown and good will hunting... got a hair cut... slept some more, with the help of comtrex night-time, until...
saturday... moved the customary sto. nino, rice, salt, and sugar in the morning when the moon is between the new and full moon (as opposed to between the full and new moon - the difference being the moon getting bigger and the moon getting smaller... but you are smart, so you know what I am talking about... of course you do...) played mortal kombat: deadly alliance and got sick with Sub-zero - like 8 hit combo 40% damage sick... changed the locks on the house... ate pho and played more mortal kombat...
it is now sunday... my brain is kind of reeling... my bank account is considerably lighter, I have a mortgage, gas and electric bills, a house that needs paint and drywall and paint, a wedding that needs to be planned and paid for, a kink in my neck, work tomorrow, a cold that will not quit, a fiancee that is out of town, a busted cell phone, and a heaping of dirty laundry...
but for some reason, I could not feel more happy, thankful, blessed, loved, appreciative...
well, maybe I could...
but right now I am riding on a wave of wonderful...
I am just scared that this wave is gonna crash when I am not ready...
crazy... hunh?
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AUTHOR: annabanana
EMAIL: coolest@sister.yea
IP: 208.240.102.251
URL: http://nanaba.blogspot.com
DATE: 03/31/2004 12:39:55 PM
for some reason i thought you were supposed to bring vinegar, too?
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: live...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/29/2004 04:01:32 PM
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so the train ride continues... my train...
if there is no higher power, no great spirit, no almighty... then in the end, our lives are truly nothing - for nothing comes from nothing and returns to nothing...
if the sum of our lives amounted to nothing more than being vehicles to pass traits of a species, then this total is meaningless when you consider the relatively nonexistent period of time we, as a species, have spent (and will spend) on the planet, in the galxay, in the universe...
if the only purpose is to survive, then everything that we are is nothing more than traits passed from generation to generation. We learned to love, we learned compassion, we learned self-sacrifice...
but self-sacrfice gives no justice to the end of passing traits... we fight if threatened... so if we fight and we know we cannot win, then to fulfil the purpose of survival we must try to run. There is no alternative.
but we do not always run when we cannot win, do we?
animals are instinctive. it is instinct for the deer to stop when it hears a noise it does not recognize, and it is instinct for the deer to run away when it feels threatened. That probably means, eons ago, there were deer that probably did not stop and run, and got slaughtered by whatever predator, where the deer that turned tail and ran was able to pass on that instinct, and then its fawn would follow the example of its mother...
but perhaps, the mother dies, the offspring are left to their own devices... a pack structure would allow for fostering of those... in times of plenty...
but when times are tough, it is every beast for itself...
because the animal will not lay its life down for another... it will die fighting, or run... regardless of what it is or is not protecting...
if the only purpose is to survive, then there really is no choice is there?
to value another being over the self is not conducive to the end of survival. But we have created ethics... rules by which to live our lives, to do our work, etcetera... but ethics are derived from morals... and morals come from within...
but from where?
are morals simply another trait that is passed from generation to generation?
How do we just know what is right and what is wrong?
... ... ...
humans have choice...
we are able choose to be benevolent or malevolent...
and we are able to choose to recognize the divine and the divine within each and every one of us... (from whence our morals came...)
and we are able to choose to ignore it.
we are free to do as we will... we can choose to ignore our instincts, where as animals cannot (as it is in my mind)... animals do not self-sacrifice. self-sacrifice is a choice. (the bird that shouts the alarm to the other birds is doing so because it was the first to see the predator, it flies away shortly thereafter) animals do not commit murder. murder is a choice. animals do not compromise. compromise is a choice. no?
... ... ...
as a human, we have been endowed with the ability to communicate abstract thoughts and ideas... we think, reason, interact, and mold the world as we see fit with the tools that we have created...
we also have free will.
and with that I choose to believe that which is within me... the sense of an end greater than nothing... I look inside myself and I see a future that does not end in chaos but in Light... I am able to look inside others and see their beauty as well (whether or not I choose to acknowledge it)
I find meaning in that...
my purpose (and everything derivative) is not to serve my traits, but to serve He in Whom I believe... (however poorly I do it.)
For it was He who gave me free will...
you have free will too... however you believe.
... ... ...
no matter which way you slice it though, our choices will build the legacy of the life that we live in the very short amount of time we have in this existence...
regardless of an ending of darkness or of light, what matters is what we do now, today.
the beauty is in the choice of benevolence...
for the traits, or for His glory...
... ... ...
The train has come to a complete stop. Please exit using the marked doors, and thank you for choosing...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: focus...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/30/2004 01:31:46 PM
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cannot...
focus...
I just spent half the day reading through blogs and message boards...
this was quite unintentional, as I was just looking up work related topics on the net...
but my attention deficit has kicked into overdrive, and any one topic took me to another topic took me to another topic... etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum...
and it is now 1:30PM EDT, and I must be getting back to work...
and yet, I find it quite difficult to actually stop typing this entry...
I have stretched several times in the last ten minutes already, meaning that I must be tired... or bored... no...
I am just unfocused...
to bad brains do not come with autofocus...
that might make things a bit easier...
or not...
whatever...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: catharsis...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 03/31/2004 04:31:47 PM
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when I was in college... prior to doing anything that resembled work, I would find every and all excuses to avoid doing it... I would check e-mail for the nth time, IRC, C&C or Roguespear my time away, and then I would clean my dorm room... and vacuum everything...
ha... if I had homework right now, I would probably have a clean bedroom...
the whole point being that I cannot study in a room that is messy, because it draws my attention to things that are ultimately more fun... well, maybe the whole point being that I would rather do anything else than study... even to the point of cleaning... but the whole distracted by other things in the room thing is also a big thing...
yes, I was (and probably still am) the ultimate definition of a slacker... of course, I have not a clue why I have an aversion to work...
no, I do know why... the whole making a mountain out of a mole hill syndrome... I would see the work and then get overwhelmed by it and give up.
that pretty much amounts much of my philosophy in life... if you cannot do it in one shot, then do not do it...
a pretty shitty philosophy in practice... you know, now that I actually think about it...
so I should change...
except that I have work to do right now, and for some reason, I am avoiding doing it...
I have a problem.
not a problem that can be solved with a simple answer and proof... but the kind that requires thought and effort and a few weeks, if not months...
I find that I make better use of my time when I have less of it - which leads me to complaining about not having enought time to do anything... but it is one of those complaints where I know I really do not care, but it is just to announce that I am, oh, so busy...
how funny.
... ... ...
I really could use a vacuum right now though... my cubicle definitely needs it... with all the white noise generators in the office, I really doubt anyone would hear me vacuuming... and my truck... although I really would nead a steam vacuum to get the crud form the past winter out of my floor mats...
vacuuming is very therapeutic for me. what is it about vacuuming that I like so much? perhaps it is the instant gratification of seeing the lint and what not magically lifted from the carpet... the removal of dust from the random surface... I do remember watching my father vacuum the family room when I was two or three... with the old school kirby... how neat...
all I know is that I would rather vacuum than wash dishes... well, actually, I know much more than that, but I loathe dishwashing... I am also one of the few than would suffer the dishwasher rather than using it as a drying rack... apparently dishwashers save on water consumption to all you freaky hand-dishwashing people...
but to really, really set my mind at ease... give me a chunk of time and a video game and let me beat it inside and out... I will be thoroughly saited and able to focus on pretty much whatever task I am handed shortly thereafter... but if I must be interrupted from my game prior to its completion, I can guarantee that I will be quite useless for a good quarter of an hour...
games... or a good series... like alias... or neon genesis... or smallville... or trigun... or buffy... or cowboy bebop...
whatever.
... ... ...
someone please toss me compass and a map...
... ... ...
this whole not having an internet connection at night thing is really starting to bug me... that and I forgot to bring books to read...
I feel very cut off in Midland... and the cable sucks because I do not get movie channels or the WB...
but I am getting well versed in my Stargate SG-1, West Wing, and Law and Order...
I could write I thesis on it...
well...
almost.
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AUTHOR: cisdesir
EMAIL: cisdesir@yahoo.com
IP: 67.123.73.204
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/~cisdesir
DATE: 03/31/2004 07:51:44 PM
hey ryan! when is the wedding? :)
don't you think season 3 of smallville sucks? i liked the first two seasons more. :(
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: ryan
EMAIL:
IP: 216.99.65.10
URL:
DATE: 04/01/2004 09:52:55 AM
As of today... 156 days from now... yeah... I have been a bit disappointed with the quality of the show as of late, but there have been some cool moments...
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AUTHOR: coug
EMAIL: calvir@det.mgmgrand.com
IP: 216.190.168.10
URL:
DATE: 04/01/2004 02:22:46 PM
smallville's cool, although i think it's funny that they felt they needed to diversify their cast.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: showers bring...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/01/2004 10:02:53 AM
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I always get a little bit depressed this time of year...
it reminds me of the time when I was "shopping" at Target, oh, so long ago...
my friend, Chris, and I were being the troublesome teens we were... hanging about in places that would let us (as we were to young to frequent dance clubs or bars)...
We were cleptomaniacs, yes we were, and we could never resist a good swipe here or there or both. So as we were in Target, we were planning on taking some things... [editor's note: I am no longer a clepto... that part of me has been thoroughly excised]
As a thief, you gain an acute awareness of your surroundings. The slightest glance of a person in your direction is instantly felt, the location of two-way mirrors and cameras can be immediately spotted, and "safe" areas are easily found.
While we were trolling about the store, I sensed that a woman was following us. I chalked it up to security following around the Asian kids because they have no other profile in the store to target (well that, and we were up to no good)... except that the woman was Asian herself. At this point we have not pilfered anything, so I notified my cohort about our new tail.
We traversed the store, swiftly dropping items into our pockets and folds of our clothes, all the while aware of the woman who happened to follow us all over and around the store.
At one point Chris, being the gregarious person he is, stopped to mess with the lady.
"Excuse me?" he said to her, "Can we help you?" I am sniggering in the background because we both made her for security.
"Oh, I'm sorry." she said, "I did not mean to bother you, but your friend there really looks a lot like my son."
"So?" Chris replied, his eyes rolling.
"Well, you see, my son died several years ago, but I am still having trouble getting over it..." she stated with her eyes cast to the ground.
... ... ...
I do not think I could communicate to you how stupid we felt. I can tell you that the comfort level declined sharply at this point. Chris and I muttered our apologies and ran off to try to erase this from our heads.
When we decided that it was time to leave, we picked up a few cheap items that we would actually pay for... (we were of the mind set that you look less suspicious going through the checkout line than you do if you do not, however foolish that was...)
Being the middle of the day, there were few checkout lines open, so we happened to end up in the lane right behind the lady who had been trailing us throughout the store. We were quite tense, because we did not know how to handle this situation. But then the lady spoke...
"Excuse me," She said to me, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor?"
"Uh... um... sure?" I stammered.
"Could you just say 'It's okay, Mom.' to me when I look over to you?"
I did not think it would hurt, plus I just wanted this woman to get out of our hair. So I agreed.
She brought up her items to the register, and Chris and I were keeping an eye out for angry security. A few seconds later she looks up at me and smiles weakly.
"It's okay, Mom." I said, waving to her. She smiled and pushed her cart out the door.
So Chris and I finally get to the cashier, and she rings up the couple of candy bars and drinks we were actually going to purchase. The cashier punches in the amounts and says,
"That will be $104.92"
Our mouthes drop open. The first thing that comes to mind is that they saw everything we stole and then added it to the price. trying to maintain some semblance of cool, I said,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa... There is no way these candy bars and this pop cost a hundred bucks!"
Chris is on my left freaking out, thinking we were busted, then the cashier said,
"But your mom just said that you would take care of her payment."
No.
Way.
Chris comes to, and immediately charges out the door. He spots the conniving hag walking briskly to her car.He starts chasing her, screaming at her. She turns and sees him, and beings racing toward her car. She begins tossing her cartload into the passenger side seat and attempts to get into her car. Chris barely gets there in time and is able to grab a hold of her leg. So she is screaming at him kicking, and Chris is pulling her leg, and pulling her leg...
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... ... ...
just like I am pulling yours...
Happy April Fool's Day!
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AUTHOR: coug
EMAIL: calvir@det.mgmgrand.com
IP: 216.190.168.10
URL:
DATE: 04/01/2004 11:51:33 AM
hahaha...i completely forgot wut today was
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: leonard
EMAIL: leonard@spilledmilk.net
IP: 203.127.69.163
URL: http://spilledmilk.net
DATE: 04/02/2004 03:52:13 AM
damnit ryan! you so got me there! i never never thought that was what you had in store...gosh...this is good man..
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: amy
EMAIL: shiitake00@aol.com
IP: 198.81.26.9
URL: http://shiitake00.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/04/2004 12:43:07 AM
thanks for coming by my site. =) now i can see why the title caught your attention.
btw, your april fool's joke was really cool!
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: got rice?
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/04/2004 03:14:31 PM
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again, I must impart to you the degree of increased satsifcation after a period of abstaining from something...
I say "again", because I do not remember if I have previously mentioned this piece of knowledge, so I am just covering my bases...
This knowledge that I do not remember having previously mentioned should also be quite familiar to you, as it is an adage that has been frequently employeed in situations similar to mine.
I have been thrown back into an instance where I must fend for myself and - *gasp* - cook...
Actually, I am not forced to cook, but after the first week of eating out all the time, I figured I would try to save myself some money and go grocery shopping and actually use the other aspects of the kitchen in my apartment aside from the microwave and fridge.
what a concept.
In any case, I am rather decent in the kitchen given a modicum of initiative (or a large enough threat), but because I do not enjoy applying more effort for myself than necessary, my grocery list (and thus my prep time) was as minimalist as you could get. V8 Splash (because I need other nutrients besides protien and starch), multigrain bread, and something to eat with the bread... this could be sloppy joe, ravioli, lunchmeats and cheese, beefstew, and fishsticks...
this amounts to less than $20 for the whole week. granted the selection is somewhat sparse, but hey, I am easy.
so for under the amount of a single day's per diem, I am able to sustain myself for a week.
but at what cost (besides the $20)?
I have not had any regular rice in about a month... I had some sushi, but it was mainly nigiri, so, really, not that much rice. Plus, sushi fulfills a different requirement in my appetite than white rice or fried rice...
my mother suggested that I bring a rice cooker up to Midland, but that would necessitate my cooking something that takes longer than five minutes. And I, of course, do not have the presence of mind to cook something a day in advanced so that I will have it for the next day...
you know... now that I actually say it (although I am actually typing it), that seems like such a good idea...
yeah, so to make a long story short (too, late) I had rice today...
it was great...
with honey glazed walnut shrimp, and almond chicken - although the almond chicken was not so great...
and that is it!
but now that I have had a taste, I think I will require more so that this never happens again...
so I might actually cook rice this week, being that I am home for the next two weeks...
my car's check engine light blinked on during my commute home for the weekend from Midland...
so it will be brought into the shop, posthaste...
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: it is the little things...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/05/2004 09:27:55 AM
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so yeah, I will be home for the next two weeks... this week because of my car being on the blink, and next week, because there is an actual work reason.
the problem with this is that I have left most of my work clothes up in midland...
and my charger for my electric toothbrush...
and my vouchers for free pizza...
... ... ...
this means two things... I will have to either buy clothes, or I will have to eat 3-4 hours to get everything from my apartment...
money is tight, but time is such a valuable commodity.
so I am faced with a dilemna because
1. I do not have a car.
2. I do not have the time during the week
3. Lorie will be in town this weekend
... ... ...
so the best solution will probably be for me to get two or three slacks or khakis, and four shirts and I should be able to hold down the two weeks with no problem.
which will mean I will have to use a regular toothbrush to adhere to my dental responsibilities the moment my electric one dies...
on top of that, there is the unknown, but presumably large, sum for the correction of the cause of the illumination of the check engine light on my suv...
... ... ...
alas, the horror that is my life...
faced with the deep, life-altering issues of no clothes, no car, and no electric toothbrush...
oh, and no free pizza...
:-P
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AUTHOR: pogiboy
EMAIL:
IP: 68.72.235.66
URL:
DATE: 04/05/2004 10:16:11 AM
Don't worry, the toothbrush is on me.
In fact, I already gave you the money last Saturday. Darn five of hearts...
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AUTHOR: ryan
EMAIL:
IP: 216.99.65.8
URL:
DATE: 04/05/2004 12:16:34 PM
you can get your own t-shirt about the turn screwing you, like it did me... :-P
by all rights, that was a bad beat... you totally had me... you hid those bullets very well.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: good decisions come from experience...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/05/2004 04:35:41 PM
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in regards to the check engine light, my mother said,
"You know, your sister had the same problem, and it was just a loose gas cap"
and I said, "I haven't touched my gas cap in a week. Plus it happened when I was halfway through my commute."
but, why did I not check? I thought I checked... but I did not.
because that is what it was... stupid loose gas cap.
stupid: Listen to your mother, it cost you $45.00 by not doing so.
blessed: It was only $45.00, so essentially two days of per diem and a sister that let me borrow her car while she was out of town, and it was not the $300.00+ I for which I was preparing.
dilemna: I have to go back to Midland tonight or tomorrow morning, and anna needs a ride from the airport... at one in the afternoon.
I would rather have these types of problems, than the bigger, heart heavy and wearisome problems any day.
... ... ...
Good decisions come from experience...
Unfortunately, experience comes from bad decisions...
so learn from other people's mistakes, because there is no way you will be able to make them all in your lifetime...
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AUTHOR: annabanana
EMAIL: thecoolest@sister.yea
IP: 63.243.72.226
URL: http://nanaba.blogspot.com
DATE: 04/05/2004 08:34:01 PM
i KNEW it!! hahahaha. well better safe than sorry, right? mommy is always right!!
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AUTHOR: coug
EMAIL: calvir@det.mgmgrand.com
IP: 216.190.168.10
URL:
DATE: 04/06/2004 10:39:37 AM
u sure there's no way to make them all in one lifetime? i'll bet if i tried really hard....
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: neat...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/06/2004 02:44:25 PM
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just discovered blo.gs and weblogs.com...
so, from what I can tell (assuming everyone I read pings their site - but I think blogger does it automatically or something...) I will be able to pop open a link and actually see who posted what and when...
I think.
this will need some experimentation - with all of the controls and variables, with documentation and expected and actual results and everything.
chem lab and orgo lab were cool...
... ... ...
well, I thought they were cool...
:-P
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TITLE: texas holdem
URL: http://genaholincorporated.com
IP: 150.46.150.147
BLOG NAME: texas holdem
DATE: 03/10/2005 12:23:09 PM
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DATE: 03/14/2005 12:57:17 PM
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DATE: 03/25/2005 04:15:05 AM
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IP: 207.107.115.6
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: fickle...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/06/2004 05:54:25 PM
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a long, long time ago (I cannot remember because I was not there. "they" told me about it), when man had just discovered fire, or perhaps before, or whatever, man was a hunter/gatherer... leaves and rabbit mostly - or so I am told. He would be able to "work" for 16 to 20 hours a week, and provide for himself and whatever family he had. Freeing him up to do whatever, like...
walking and grunting with friends...
or playing skin, rock, and stone blade...
or drawing pictures on the wall...
or discovering narcotics...
of course, the average life expectancy back then was quite lower... maybe even by so much as half... (probably from the drugs) but that is conjuecture on my part... (because really, I was never there - not in life or even in dream)
shorter life expectancy, longer life expectancy - the word "life" brings to light a whole slew of semantics... what is life... what is a good life... etcetera, etcetera, and a whole bunch of other philosophical shenanigans... but we will not enter into that, because, frankly, I do not want to talk about it right now.
in any case, in college, assuming you did not do homework or waste your time studying, 16 hours was considered a full week. leaving you free to do things like...
walking and talking with friends...
playing sports, video games, or whatever...
taking pictures and posting them on the internet...
discovering narcotics...
and now, if you can dig it (I knew that you could), "they" mandate that we work 40 hours a week and expect that you put in [gasp] overtime!
and since most of us are not born with inheritances, trust funds, settlements, alimony, or whatever, we find ourselves occupying our time with an occupation...
leaving us absolutely no time to do anything but "live" for the weekend (and even then, only if we are lucky)
and then people get stuck in positions they do not enjoy or in social circles with which they abhor and, essentially, waste their "lives"...
I am decidedly not one of those people (although I like to squeak when I hit doldrums)
I hope you are not one of those...
... ... ...
"I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. Gosh, I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitudes. That.s where I see myself in five years. How about you?"
I am where I am because that is where I should be, and where ever I end up when I end up there, no matter how I got there, is where I should be then...
I make my choices.
to add to the infinite analogies of life to something...
life is like poker... we play the cards we are dealt the best way we know how. we may not know what everyone else has, but if you play smart, then you will be okay. And just because you had one bad hand, or bad night, does not mean that you should give up the game.
as you grow, so does your appreciation, and respect, for the game.
and in life, like the nuts in poker, there are things for which you should always go all-in...
but I will leave that for you to decide.
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AUTHOR: Sinta
EMAIL: sinta@lockload.com
IP: 80.219.146.136
URL: http://www.lockload.com
DATE: 04/07/2004 11:58:57 AM
Back then, they survived but had a lot of free time. Shorter life expectancy.
Now, we work to live for the weekend. Longer life expectancy.
For some reason it seems to equivocate. Have we really evolved much?
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: living in oblivion...
STATUS: Publish
ALLOW COMMENTS: 1
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DATE: 04/07/2004 01:48:11 PM
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like I said before... I am where I am, because that is where I am supposed to be.
maybe you think you need to be somwhere, but the simple fact is, you are not there, so the truth is, you are not supposed to be there.
I am leaving Midland today...
seven and a half years ago, I first came to Midland as a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed co-op for the company which is now my current client...
Five years ago, I thought I was leaving Midland and never coming back, because I thought I would have no reason...
two and a half years ago, I returned for a day for a meeting with the client...
two and a half months ago, I returned as a member of a new team with the same client...
if I ever come back in the future, perhaps they will have better shopping in the mall... but even after five years, the mall has left much for want...
whatever...
there was a reason that I was brought back to Midland... but regardless of what it was, I really do not want to live here. I am pretty sure that was not the reason I was pulled back here, because I knew that five years ago...
maybe it was not for me. I sometimes forget that when things happen to me, things that are not of my choosing, that they are not necessarily meant for me, as for another.Whatever happens to me, it is something that I am able to handle, and therefore, if my life serves as an example or as an opportunity for others, then so be it.
you should find ways to server others...
sometimes, those ways find you.
but this could very well just be rhetoric, because right now my mind is really just trying to handle the next five months without exploding...
looking forward to beginning my life with my love...
looking forward to making a home...
looking forward to everything...
but that happens after all of the planning is done...
so can we please be done already?
things are piling up on top of everything, like my cousin vinny...
and I am starting to forget things...
I am starting to think about everything that I need to be doing over the next five months, and it is stressing me out.
I really should stop, and do what I am supposed to be doing right now...
... ... ...
do you know how hard that is for me sometimes?
of course not.
:-P
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You can.t hide the pain,
I can see it scrawled on your empty face.
And I feel the hurt,
It.s in the words you say. They make me want to...
Scream out to the world,
For taking life for granted and I know
You are by my side when
I turn to hear you cry...
I am so afraid of living in oblivion
I am so afraid of living in oblivion
Am I so blind?
With my eyes turned to a different time or hour
At the end of the day
When we both run down and our hopes are heavy.
Tell me what you will,
.cause I.ve got to know the truth inside of you.
Can you hear what I say
When I hold you and you scorn the day?
I am so afraid of living in oblivion
I am so afraid of living in oblivion
Living in oblivion
Living in oblivion
So I ask again,
Am I so alone and full of pride
To never speak out?
This is my world, this is my world
Don.t tell me now,
I won.t feel those words, I won.t feel the lies they tell.
Can you hear my scream?
It.s for everyone, for everyone...
I am so afraid of living in oblivion
I am so afraid of living in oblivion
Living in oblivion
Living in oblivion
La, la, la, la, la, la, in oblivion....
~Living in Oblivion, Anything Box
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AUTHOR: Gracey
EMAIL: gracey@snowflakes.nl
IP: 62.163.208.209
URL: http://www.snowflakes.nl
DATE: 04/08/2004 06:27:13 PM
It always makes me 'awww' when I read about couples settling down and making plans for their future. Why? Because it's a great experience and I'm also having the same thing right now. I hope that everything will be put into place for you in due time. But right now, all you can do is be patient. You will be done soon.
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: ellipses...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/08/2004 11:46:34 AM
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I like to use ellipses.
I use them all the time, which probably means that I use them incorrectly
....
no, I use them incorrectly.
When used properly, ellipses indicate the omission of text from a quotation. They are not to be used at the beginning of an abridged quotation if the part omitted text is before what is being quoted.
"...and then he said, 'What're you, stupid?'"
"and he said, 'What're you, stupid?'"
They are to be followed by a period of the omitted text is at the end of the quote.
"so Forrest looked at the man...."
there are also rules about ellipses and paragraphs or carriage returns, etcetera, etcetera, and so on and so forth.
I will, however, stand by my use of ellipses, because, frankly, it seems to communicate more of my thought process than just a plain period... to me...
I use them when my idea needs to lead into the next, or if I feel the need stop the sentence in mid-thought.
but mainly because when I am typing out my thoughts, the ellipses indicate that I am still thinking about stuff in my head...
so the typing stops, but the thought does not...
see...
but you do not know what I am thinking after I stop typing because I do not type that part...
... ... ...
my [over-]use of ellipses can probably be quite annoying to those that it annoys, others could not care less. Of course, that redundant statement was not necessary, but I thought I would put it there because I felt like it.
...
and the singular for ellipses is ellipsis... not to be confused with the plural for ellipse (a closed plane curve. an oval.)
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AUTHOR: ryan
TITLE: manic...
STATUS: Publish
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DATE: 04/09/2004 12:57:27 PM
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I really need to just pass out, because my ass I am very tired, thought it is all my fault anyways... but really, when is it not?
last night, we played soccer and we kicked ass played very well... I have now joined the offical people-getting-slammed-in-the-face-with-a-soccer-ball club...
I now have what looks like a case of bad acne where the ball impacted my forehead...
except, I am not totally sure that was there until this morning. because I did not notice it last night when I took a shower, but I noticed it this morning when I washed my face...
anyhow, it could possibly be from a number of other things, but whatever.
so I slept in my house last night.
I must share with you the importance of lights and television reception. I will be talking out of my own experience and observation, but I believe that many people, especially people who live alone, turn on the TV just so that there is a noise in the background, sort of like having company, except for, not really...
In any case, last night, after the soccer game, and before I feel asleep, I went to a co-workers birthday celebration on the westside. I stayed until about 1:00am I think, I do not know for sure, because I did not have a watch or a phone, but kris, hiro, and I chatted in the lower bar for a bit because the upstairs was way too hot, and the band was done playing. I had previously loaded my car with a trunk full of clothes and a futon mattress (because I still do not have a bed yet) so that I might be able to get to work early (ha!) today by sleeping at my house after the bar...
well, I get to my house at around 1:15am or so, and I still have the trunk and futon in my car. I left a light on inside the house, because I knew it would be late, and that I would be scared because 1. the house does not feel like home yet. 2. the house does not have lights to illuminate the back room, so it looks kind of creepy with the shadows 3. this is all exacerbated by the fact that it is totally quite in the house, save the vents are making squealing noises as the hot air is pushed through the semi-closed slots, and it is 1:15am.
so I turn on the TV, except that I forgot that I moved it away from the cable (which is not hooked up, and will not be for a good few months), so when I turned on the TV, I get loud fuzz and static.
yeah.
like that helps.
so I got Poltergeist going through my head, as I am fumbling for the volume button in the dark (the